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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Annie Nicol, 76, who lives in Petaluma, California. Nicol is homeschooling her grandson, who lives with her son in a tiny home on her property. It helps them stay close-knit and financially within their means. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
It’s a trend in our family that we take care of our own.
My parents, who both lived into their 90s, were retired educators and played a big role in caring for my kids. My son and I shared caregiving responsibilities for them. My husband is 80 and works part-time as a therapist, and he takes care of his grandkids every Friday and on some Tuesdays.
My grandson, who lives with me, lost his mother when he was an infant. He has an auntie he’s very close to, but it took some time because she lives out of town.
My son and grandson live near my husband and me in a tiny house next door
My son and grandson have a tiny house on the property. The building was there when I moved here 42 years ago, and it was showing its age then. The knob and tube electricity present when I purchased the house was common in homes built between 1880 and 1940. The main old farmhouse was built over 100 years ago. I imagine the outbuilding was built around the same time. The repurposed space outside is adjacent to the main house.
My son and grandson basically have a bunkhouse, which includes my son’s workshop. It’s maybe 200 square feet total and about 15 feet from our back door. The bathroom and kitchen are inside the main house. My grandson has a bedroom in the main house, too, where he keeps his trains, Lego bricks, and school work. He prefers to bunk close to his dad in the outbuilding at this time. We all eat dinner together at home.
I retired at 75
I’m a retired nurse practitioner. I went into nursing instead of medicine partly because of a divorce and needing more flexibility in my life, especially with taking care of my kids. I’ve worked with a lot of substance use and community health centers. I developed a clinic within a shelter in my town, which is still running.
When my children were small, we would go camping all over California. When I worked full-time, I didn’t have that flexibility. I wish I could have kept this up a little longer, but financially, I had to be careful.
I perhaps would have retired sooner had COVID not hit. The support structures were somewhat destroyed, and people were afraid. I felt I needed to mentor some of the people who would be taking over my position. I love my patients, and I’ve had some for almost their whole lives. I got as much as I gave. I retired last year.
I became my grandson’s homeschool teacher.
While I was working, I helped my grandson with his schooling at least three days a week because it was interrupted during COVID. He has another set of grandparents who live outside our community and wanted to be involved. Hence, we started doing the homeschool thing, splitting responsibilities.
His other grandma, who was a teacher, and his auntie, also a teacher, would come down from their community and volunteer one day a week at his school. They really wanted to be involved in their daughter’s son’s life. The other grandpa set this up, with a homeschool supervisor-teacher who manages the curriculum to meet California’s standards. I do what’s called Studies Weekly, which uses a somewhat Socratic method. You’re looking for a deeper response rather than just spitting out information.
My commitment started with a “We have to do this.” I appreciated what he was learning, and it helped me learn new things and understand his needs. It’s really fun to see when he is engaged and by what. It’s kind of what I did when I was somewhat teaching my patients. I’d look for that glimmer in their eyes that says, “I got it.” When he rolls his eyes or looks the other way, I see that I don’t have his attention. It’s important for me to know that he’s grasped the concepts. It’s giving, taking, and sharing.
I’ve tried to be as involved as I can in my grandchildren’s lives.
I have a daughter who lives in Santa Barbara, and I don’t see her three kids as much. Still, they would call me Grandma Airport because I’d always arrive at the airport instead of a car.
To a certain extent, I contribute what I can for birthdays and gifts. My son has a house that he’s not living in and is rented out, so I’ll help with that. For the other kids, the majority of funding goes toward things like museum or theater tickets. I’m taking my grandson to Disneyland, which I haven’t been to in 30 years, or I’ll visit my granddaughter in Hawaii. I’m also putting some funds toward experiences that help them engage in other forms of education, and I’m putting money aside for them when I die so they’ll have some help with college.
I also spend my time going through boxes of my parents’ belongings. They died a decade ago, but my mom was a writer and wrote a tremendous amount. I am also on a local board focused on our unhoused population and do whatever I can to help.
I live on three acres and have a small farm that grows a lot of vegetables. We have sheep, too. I love working in the soil.
We live frugally, and I’m not too worried. I own three properties, so if push comes to shove, I can sell them. I’ve always been careful and don’t buy anything that’s expensive. I go out to eat maybe once a month. The biggest financial issue right now is that my century-old house needs a lot of repairs, so I’m trying to strategize.
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