I’ve worked with over 100 women returning to the workforce after career breaks. They all downplay their experience.

When I decided to leave my last position, I was tasked with finding my replacement.

One woman I interviewed had taken a five-year career break. After a short introduction, I began the more formal interview questions, only to be met with, “I’m sorry. I’ve been out of the workforce too long.”

After the third “I’m sorry,” I paused the interview and told her she had nothing to apologize for, only to be met with another “I’m sorry.”

Accomplished women with years of experience, paid and unpaid, consistently devalue their skills, experience, and worth, costing themselves interview opportunities, job offers, and higher salaries.

In the years since, I’ve had the privilege of working with over 100 women as they return from career breaks, and I’ve identified the costly pattern that holds them back: self-minimization.

Here are the three biggest ways I see it show up, along with how to overcome them.

Devaluing unpaid experience

When I lead workshops for parents returning to work after a career break, I stress the importance of positioning experience, paid or unpaid, as an asset.

In one workshop, a woman approached me afterward and said she had never considered including her volunteer experience because she didn’t believe it “counted” because it was unpaid.

When I asked what she did, she told me she had coordinated programming for her son’s special needs camp for the past 18 years. She quickly added that it was only during the summers and in a volunteer capacity.

Digging further, I learned that the planning took place year-round in preparation for summer, and that she handled coordination, logistics, and communication.

Yet she came to my workshop for help positioning herself to return to the paid workforce because she believed she had no experience.

Her issue wasn’t a lack of experience. It was that she viewed it as less than simply because there was no paycheck associated with it.

Impact isn’t tied to a paycheck. Instead of asking “Was I paid for it?” ask “Would somebody pay for it?”

This shift in perspective can make all the difference.

Downplaying experience

There are two words that should never be used when describing your experience: just and only.

For example, don’t say “I’m just a stay-at-home parent,” or “I only worked in marketing for a couple of years.” These words downplay your accomplishments.

The easy fix would be to simply stop saying them, but it goes deeper than that. You have to reframe the way you think about your skills, experience, and abilities.

Think of all the things you do as a primary caregiver, and list them. Put a check mark next to the ones that are professions.

Caring for your children = nanny.

Scheduling appointments/managing calendars = administrative assistant.

Planning school events = event planner.

Once you understand and own your value, you’ll see there’s no reason to qualify your experience.

Minimizing impact

During a session with one of my clients, we were reviewing her résumé. I asked her about a bullet point that started with “Collaborated on…”

She explained she had led a team to build an internal scheduling system as a stopgap while the company explored outside vendors. The system worked so well that they chose her system over hiring an outside vendor, saving tens of thousands of dollars. She served as the in-house expert who ensured it ran smoothly.

After she finished, I asked whether she realized that her bullet point framed her in a support role rather than a lead role that would have saved the company significant time and money.

It’s something I see constantly: women positioning themselves in support roles even when they are clearly the ones at the helm.

This is especially true for caregiving roles. While these roles appear to simply support others, in reality they involve taking the reins in decision-making, advocacy, financial management, and so much more.

All of these women were accomplished and had a lot to offer a potential employer.

The woman I interviewed who kept apologizing? She had the skills. The volunteer coordinator? She had the experience. My client who “collaborated”? She had the leadership.

What they lacked was the confidence to own it.

Once you stop minimizing yourself, you not only give others permission to see your full value but you realize it yourself.